Thursday, May 6, 2010

Halal/Haram Pig Stick!

Based on pregnancy pee indicator technology and some molecular gas chromatographic jackball scientifical wheelings and dealings, Kazakhstan scientists have invented a consumer test stick that will instantly detect the presence of pork. Why would one need that you might ask, unless it was to determine why something tastes so damn good?

Unlike in the majority of Muslim countries, in Kazakhstan pork is cheap and widely available. According to local news sources (and Reuters), unscrupulous Kazak chefs often augment more expensive chopped or minced beef with much less expensive and forbidden pork, even if the Qur'an takes a very dim view of the practice. This surreptitious deceit is apparently widespread, and the Mullahs don't like it.

The way the pork stick tester works is the diner breaks off a small chunk of mystery meat and drops it into their glass of water. Stir with gusto to distribute the porkossity, and then dip the test stick into the water. If pork is present, the color of the indicator on the stick changes in a minute or so, and the diner is safely alerted. No word on whether or not a fatwah is issued, or the chef is then dragged outside for a good ole public stoning.
Mick Vann ©


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